No relationship is perfect, but there are definitely some things that should never be tolerated. Having standards for what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship doesn’t mean you are self-centered, it means you respect yourself and your partner enough to know what belongs in a healthy relationship and what does not.
When you’re in love, it’s easy to overlook or ignore warning signs of certain behaviors and personality traits that can actually harm us emotionally and even physically. When we start to feel that something is off, we have to trust our instincts that something is just not okay.
Of course, no one is perfect, but you should never have to put up with any sort of behavior that makes you feel small, unimportant, or even fearful of your partner. Read on to find out about unacceptable behaviors that should never go unchecked.
Someone who claims to care about you would have no desire to put you down. A healthy relationship includes supporting and accepting your partner for who they are, without judgment. What it does not include is criticizing or belittling or trying to change someone. Once those behaviors enter into a relationship, it can be very difficult to recover.
- Constant Arguing
Relationships that are defined by conflict, fighting, blame and a lack of forgiveness spells disaster. While a little bit of fighting and arguing in a relationship is normal, if your fights become more aggressive, more frequent, and more threatening, it’s time to say goodbye.
- Hates Your Loved Ones
Your family and friends were probably there before your man made his entrance into your life, and chances are they’ll still be there if he’s ever out of the picture. When a partner or pal wants you to break off relationships with friends and family, that is a sign of a toxic relationship. Isolating the partner from friends and family is upsetting because it is an attempt to control and manipulate without interference from the partner’s support system. If your partner is constantly makes negative remarks about your loved ones or (even worse) trying to keep you from them, it’s time to say goodbye
All forms of abuse — whether emotional, physical, sexual or verbal — are a huge deal breaker to a relationship. If you care currently in a relationship with a violent or abusive partner, or feel threatened in any way, don’t think twice about leaving them. Abusers are expert manipulators. They know that everyone has insecurities and they use those insecurities against you. The victim of the abuse often doesn’t see the mistreatment as abusive. They develop coping mechanisms of denial and minimizing in order to deal with the stress.
- No Compromising
If it seems like you’re the only one with any flexibility, it may be time to pack your bags. Compromise is very important because it shows your significant other that you respect their feelings and desires. It’s a guaranteed way to let them know that they are valued and the relationship is not one-sided.
Dishonesty is pretty major because when a person consistently lies, it builds a nest of deceit. It doesn’t matter if his lies are harmless or involve serious issues, the fact that he’s lying should be a clue that something isn’t right. “People lie for three reasons,” says Stan Walters, author of The Truth About Lying: How To Spot A Lie and Protect Yourself From Deception. “They lie to hide something from you, to harm you in some way or to hype themselves.” Being with a person you can’t trust can only cause stress and emotional upheaval. You deserve a better way of living.
As a couple, you and your partner should complement each other’s lives. But at the end of the day, you must be fine and fulfilled on your own. When one person acts more like a needy child, it will cause anger and resentment from the responsible half. There needs to be a mutual capacity for self-sufficiency. This is a hugely important and rather underrated quality in a partnership. This falls under the category of self-love; a healthy dose of this quality in both partners tends to promote mutual respect in the long run.
- Constant Negativity
A life partner is supposed to be someone who shows love and support even when times are at their worst. But if you’re dealing with someone who seemingly isn’t capable of staying positive or uplifting in attitude or action even for a brief period of time, you’re in serious trouble. A person who is constantly in a negative tailspin is a time bomb for a partnership and you’re probably better off just walking away. If your significant other is nasty when in a funky mood, it’s an indication they don’t know how to deal with conflict or treat people with respect. This may transpire in other aspects of your relationship.
Women have different views on whether or not cheating is ever forgivable. Even definitions of what is considered “cheating” can differ; is it sleeping with someone other than your partner, kissing, cuddling—or even just thinking of someone else in a sexual context? Regardless of your definition of cheating, keep in mind that although you may have forgiven him for it, it doesn’t mean he won’t do it again—or that you’ll ever be able to trust him fully even if he doesn’t. Once the trust is broken through infidelity, whether emotional or physical, there is a very long road back to recovering a semblance of that unique shared bond.
- Control Freaks
There’s a difference between being protective and treating you like a prisoner and the line really isn’t that fine.
If it comes to a point when you feel like you’ve made so many changes to yourself and your life because of your partner, and you feel like you’ve lost the freedom to run your own life, then your partner is no longer being protective — he’s downright controlling. This behavior might not seem too harmful at first, but most people who end up harming their partner, either emotionally or physically, have an incessant need for control. Don’t put yourself through the stress and exhaustion of trying to be with someone who won’t let you live your life.