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RELATIONSHIP – SILENCE IS GOLDEN

Sure, we know that love is all about trust and so on, but that doesn’t mean you bare heart and soul to your significant other. Know when it’s best to keep mum. Silence can be great for a relationship if you are the kind of person who feels drained or depleted of happy feelings when you have to force yourself to talk to someone who is obnoxious or offensive. A study published in the Journal Of Social And Personal Relationships showed that it can be healing for yourself to end conversationswith silence when confronted with an unreasonable person. Associate professor and the lead author of the study, Kristin Sommer and co-author Juran Yoon said: “It’s depleting to force yourself to have difficult conversations when all you want to do is ignore the person. Ostracism can serve the regulatory goal of allowing people to conserve resources.”

Silence can also be good for a relationship if it does not get misinterpreted. Psychologist Suzanne Phillips, in the article, “Understanding The Sounds Of Silence in Your Relationship” for Pysch Central, explained that instead of assuming the worst about your partner’s silence, it would be better to assume the best about it. Thus, if your partner needs some space or peace and quiet to mull over things, he/she would be able to do so without it getting misconstrued. The same applies to you when you are in some desperate need for alone time. This way, your relationship can only be strengthened as you and your partner’s needs are both met.

Here are a few instances when silence can help your relationship.

 

 

Pass

Did your husband’s best friend make a pass at you? If it was harmless, happened at a drunken, weak moment, let it ride. It’s possible he finds you attractive and didn’t know what he was talking about when inebriated. If you tell your husband, you will probably break up a deep friendship that has lasted years, and no one will be any happier. Remember though, don’t let the friend get away with such behaviour more than once. If he ever gets nasty or makes you uncomfortable, it’s time to spill the beans – no matter how deep and old their friendship. You’re far more important. In addition, the very fact that he deliberately makes a pass at you again and again shows that he doesn’t respect your husband or their friendship. However, if your wife’s best friend made a pass at you, let your wife know. If you don’t, your wife will be hurt beyond belief if she finds out. In addition, women don’t make passes lightly even if tipsy, and such a woman is definitely no friend to your wife.

Devil’s Advocate

Don’t ever criticize each other’s work at the office. Everyone goofs up once in a while, and if you feel your husband’s boss was right, or your wife didn’t deserve that promotion anyway, DON’T SAY IT. You’re each other’s support system. You’re supposed to be on each other’s side in this big, bad world. Let the others play Devil’s advocate. If your spouse can’t turn to you for support and to hear the words ‘Aww, you’re the best,’ then where will he or she go Of course, this doesn’t mean that you can’t give advice. You can. Just be tactful about it.

 

 

Unfaithful

Were you ever unfaithful in a previous relationship? Did you cheat on a past love? If the answer is yes, don’t tell your spouse. You have nothing to gain by opening your mouth this time. Your spouse has to understand that if he or she ever cheats on you, it’s over between the two of you and you won’t hesitate to walk out. In your books, infidelity is equal to murder. It’s shocking and horrifying, and something you will and can never accept. In fact, if a close friend of yours is cheating, don’t tell your spouse. And if you are tempted to talk, make sure you mention that you think such actions are completely unforgivable, and you have half a mind of breaking off your friendship. After all, you don’t associate with anyone who would do something like that! If you ever let your spouse know how you two-timed in a previous relationship, don’t be surprised if your spouse thinks you have no right to get upset if he or she has an affair.

In-Laws

His mother constantly interferes and doesn’t treat you right? Grumble, grouch and sulk about it, but avoid criticizing her too often to your husband. Although you may hate her guts, your husband is not going to pay much attention if criticizing is a habit. Keep your grouses to yourself and to your ten best friends! When you have a serious issue, he is likely to take you seriously if you don’t grumble about how awful your in-laws are all the time.

Similarly, as a husband, if you respect your wife, show some respect to her parents. After all, chances are your wife’s parents treat you a whole lot better than your parents treat her!