One of the symptoms of dating and seduction of attractive women that afflicts men being intimidated by women. Allow me to explain … When you first approach a woman you find attractive, what`s going through your head most of the time? “Oh, wow! I can`t believe I`m talking to this hot babe! This is great! I wonder if she likes me?” And you proceed to act like a goober, fawning all over her and complimenting her. You start to realize that you`re not supposed to do that, but you can`t help thinking to yourself what a lucky guy you are right now, and the shock of her presence leaves you acting under her spell. You fumble over words, and your confidence slips a few notches because you put her up on a pedestal, thinking that somehow her opinion really matters more than any other woman.
Now let`s add some perspective with another situation: You`re talking to an average looking woman at the bus stop or wherever you might have met her. You`re not really interested in her, but she seems very interested in talking to you. In fact, the more you shrug and act disinterested, the more she keeps on.
What`s different here? Well, right off the bat, your body language, tone of voice, attitude. I’ll bet that you:
- Don`t turn toward her and display a really open stance
- Don`t give her a big beaming happy-to-be-in-your-shadow smile
- Don`t really care if you get her phone number or address
- Don`t start talking suggestive and try touching her
Most guys give up their game right away with a good looking woman. A lot of guys already realize this about themselves, but they lack a critical tool in their utility belt to help them cope with it. They need a tool that will help them keep perspective when they first talk to an attractive woman.
The best way you can do this (and I believe this is a skill that comes naturally with older men, if they`ve kept a healthy Alpha Male attitude) is to ‘Imagine the future’ to get rid of this initial intimidation. What do I mean by this?
Think about the last `relationship` you had with a woman where you ended it. What was the pattern?
- You met her and you were excited. You had that tingle of new-ness – the novelty.2. You got her number and asked her out, and somehow you got her to accept.3. You dated or met several times, there was a spark of interest (from at least one of you.) Somehow, you got her to keep seeing you, in spite of any wimpy, approval-seeking behavior you may have demonstrated.
- You kept seeing each other, and eventually got in the sack and bumped uglies.5. After a while of seeing each other, you felt the excitement you once had start to cool off. She no longer intimidated you with her looks or the prospect of sleeping with her. She didn`t seem as attractive. In many ways, you got bored of her.6. When the boredom got bad enough, and your interest in finding another woman got high enough, you called it quits. Or, she sensed your lack of attention and interest and booted you out the door first.
There`s a saying: “You show me the most beautiful woman in the world, and I`ll show you a guy who`s tired of having sex with her.” Not very politically correct, I realize, but there`s a lot of truth in there. Without an emotional attachment, most guys are ready to move on if there isn`t anything new or novel to challenge them. Men have wanderlust when it comes to women, and sex isn`t enough.
Women have evolved over the millennia to bond tightly with a man (for at least 4 years) so that she could establish a stable support system if she were to bear any children. She achieved her biological imperative by having a baby and making sure she and the child would be able to survive.
The man, on the other hand, needed to satisfy his need to get his genes into the next evolution by having sex with many women – since he could never be sure a child was his. By inseminating many women, he increased that probability. Women, on the other hand, always know which baby is theirs, since they must carry it for 9 months!
Okay, excuse the evolutionary biology, but you scientist eggheads out there will understand what I`m getting at.
The bottom line of this is for you to take steps up front to keep from falling into a trance or a spell just because a woman is hot. The trick is to imagine all the things up front that got you to the step 5 and 6 in the bored-of-her illustration outlined above. What aspects of her did you ignore or overlook with your starry-eyed dreaming? What were you thinking about that left you bored, disinterested, and just plain not attracted to the woman you were seeing? What was different when you finally got sick of her?
-The sex, even if it was good, was the same sex.
-You could see her faults and imperfections.
-You could see her bad habits and “ordinariness.”
– You could see how she`d age and grow old.
– You no longer found yourself wanting or needing her approval.
– Your mind started focusing on the reality of the situation with her as opposed to the fantasy.
Now, if you think about all these unromantic realities when you first meet an attractive woman and you`ll short-circuit a lot of the glamour and illusion. You`ll also stop a lot of that wimpy approval-seeking behavior. In some circles this is called aversion therapy, and it`s very effective.
Every woman becomes ordinary after a while. It might take a week, a month, or a year, but it willhappen. The sooner you see the future and that she`s just another person, the sooner you can get to the place where your aloofness will work to your favor. You can then focus your energy on your posture and presentation, while not getting all giggly and wimpy.
What you`re trying to do is get your mind and emotions back under your control in the present moment so that you can get to a place where you can deal with an attractive woman effectively.